Individuals living without Borderline Personality Disorder often find it difficult to understand the disorder. When breaking down BPD, the focus should be on the core features: intense fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and difficulty managing emotions. These characteristics can significantly impact a person’s life and relationships, leading to challenges in self-image, impulsive behaviors, and self-harm. We will take an in-depth look into the disease and how you can be present for someone with BPD.
1. The Core Issue: Fear of Abandonment:
People with BPD experience a deep fear of being left alone or abandoned, real or perceived. This fear can manifest as intense reactions to anything they perceive as a threat to their relationships or their sense of self. A slight disagreement or someone needing space can trigger a feeling of abandonment and panic in someone with BPD.
As someone who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder and Seperation Anxiety, I have found this to be the hardest part for the people close to me to understand. The constant fear of abandonment is often mstaken for being “too clingy.” For some with BPD hearing they’re “too clingy” feels like a literal dagger to the heart. The person they hold closest just ripped their heart out. I know, this sounds extream, but for people with BPD its their reality.
2. Unstable Relationships:
Relationships can be intense and fragile, characterized by rapid shifts between extremes (love and hate, idealization and devaluation). This instability makes it difficult to maintain healthy relationships. A person with BPD might idealize a friend or partner one day and then suddenly feel intense anger or dislike towards them the next, without a reason.
Someone with BPD is easily overstimulated, which can trigger intense emotions of anger or sadness. Borderline Personailty Disorder often causes an individual to get attached to another individual much faster and deeper than someone without BPD; this is because, the disorder causes a person crave intimacy, safety and reassurance. When these needs are met someone with BPD will attach themselves to whom fills these voids.
3. Difficulties with Emotional Regulation:
People with BPD often experience intense and rapid mood swings, difficulty controlling anger, and feelings of emptiness or chronic dissatisfaction. A simple disagreement or a monent of overstimulation can quickly cause a maic episode. It is important to understand your loved ones triggers. A person with BPD might experience a rollercoaster of emotions, going from extreme sadness to intense anger within a short period.
If you find yourself in the path of a manic episode, it is best to take a step back and DO NOT fuel the fire. Saying things like “you need to calm down, or you’re always so angry” is exactly what I mean by fueling the fire. A person whom is in a manic episode can not be reasoned with; the best approach is reassurance and comfort. For a person experiencing a manic episode, it can be scary. All they know in the moment is something hass triggered them and they’re likely seeing red. I did not understand the meaning of “seeing red” until it happened to me. The best way to describe t is a feeling of being in so much rage that you black out and lose control of your own self. Imagine the movie Ratioulli when the rat is under the chefs hat completely undetectable but yet controlling his every move. The rat symbolizes the disorder and just how easy it is for the disorder to take over ones ability to control thier emotions often completly undetectable.
4. Self-Image and Identity Issues:
People with BPD can struggle with a sense of self, leading to feelings of emptiness, instability, and a distorted self-image. People who experience BPD often find it difficult to feel whole or to be happy in their own skin. Individuals will often seek reassurance about how they look, a decision they made and often express feelings of being unhappy with their lives. A person with BPD might struggle to understand their own values and goals or feel like they don’t fit in.
Personally, I struggle with body image and feelings of not being happy about where I am in life and often seek reassurance from those close to me. I used to dread leaving my house for any reason at all; even just going to the grocery store. Why? I experienced fullmanic episodes because I simply wasn’t happy with how I looked in my clothes; I was constantly seeking reassurance from my partner, and even that wasn’t good enough. My husbands simple resposes of “you look fine, or you look good babe” never seemed to be enough and sometimes even triggered me more. I couldn’t understand how he could see me in a whole different light, then I could see myself.
5. Impulsive Behaviors and Self-Harm:
People with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors (e.g., substance abuse, reckless spending, unsafe sex) and self-harm as a way to cope with intense emotions or a sense of emptiness. Someone with BPD might cut themselves or make suicide attempts to relieve feelings of intense emotional pain. Now, I will be the first to say impulsive behaviors should never be something anyone should resort to. Often times someone experiencing any form of mental health feel there is no other way to drown out the pain. Imagine just how sad, alone, empty you would have to be to ever even contimplate resorting to such unthinkable acts…someone with BPD experiences those intense feelings everyday. It is very important for someone with BPD to feel they have a support system in place to hopefully prevent impulsive behaviors from happening. Not every self-harm or substance abuse case is a “cry for attention.” Most are simply looking for a way to chanel the pain they feel elsewhere.
BPD is a mental health condition that can significantly impact a person’s life, relationships, and self-esteem. Understanding the person behind the stigma is the most important part. Getting a BPD diagnosis can often make a person feel like they will forever walk around with a label on their forehead. Someone with BPD can still live a happy, fulfilling life. Understanding the core features of BPD, such as fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and difficulty regulating emotions, is crucial for supporting individuals with this condition.
Miss Anxiety 
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